لماذا التنمر والسخرية من بدر خلف؟

في الفترة الأخيرة ذاع صيت إعلامي خليجي، بدر خلف، عبر منصات التواصل الاجتماعي المختلفة، لما يقدمه من محتوى مختلف وبطريقة غير معتادة ممن هم مثله، بدر خلف الإماراتي البحريني الأصل، يقدم نصائحا عبر بالفيديو أو الصور له للفتيات، للاهتمام ببشرتهن ونصائح متنوعة ليحافظن على جمالهن.

بسبب ما يقدمه بدر خلف والذي بحسب حوارات سابقة له بعدد من مجلات الإمارات والخليج منذ عام 2017، يطلق على نفسه لقب فاشونست أو بلوجر الجمال أو غيرها، يدعي بدر اهتمامه بجمال الفتيات، وهو أمر طبيعي بالنسبة للرجال فأنا شخصيا لي مصفف شعر مفضل وهو رجل، ولصديقتي طبيب نساء مفضل وهو رجل، ولصديقة أخرى خياط ملابس مفضل وهو رجل، اهتمام الرجال بأمور تخص النساء ليس أمرا غريبا بل طبيعيا وأحيانا نعتد بآراء رجال مقربين في اختيار الملابس أو المكياج.

البلوجر بدر خلف قال في مقابلة صحفية منذ عامين أنه حصل على اعتراف رسمي من أكاديمية «ميلان فاشن كامبس» كمُنسق مظهر محترف وهو لا يزال في الرابعة والعشرين من عمره ودرس أساسيات تصميم الأزياء في إيطاليا، ثم انطلق ببرنامج على «يوتيوب» يساعد فيه الشباب على تحسين مظهرهم ودفعهم لمواكبة صيحات الموضة التي تليق بهم، علاوة على اطلاعه ومتابعته المستمرة لجديد عالم التجميل والأناقة.

وهذا ما يجعلنا نتسائل، ما يقدمه بدر خلف ليس جديدا، بل منذ قرابة العامين، وهو يقدم نصائحه للفتيات والرجال أيضا، عبر قناته بيوتيوب، إلا أن فيسبوك وانستجرام ساعداه بشكل كبير على الانتشار خاصة مع خاصية "الفلتر" التي يتعمد بدر استخدامها وهي التي تستخدمها الفتيات بشكل كبير.

لكن يتعرض إلى شكل كبير من أشكال التنمر والسخرية في تعليقات فيديوهاته ونصائحه عبر صفحته الرسمية، واتهامات له بانحراف ميوله الجنسي أو أنه على علاقة برجل  آخر، واتهامات لوالديه بالتقصير في تربيته، ربما جربنا لمرات عديدة كيف وصل الأمر بالسخرية من اهتمامات وميول الآخرين، بدفعهم على الانتحار أو الاكتئاب، لكننا كشعوب لا نصدق أن أحدهم يتعرض للأذى إلا إذا شاهدنا دماءه أو يكون قد انتحر بالفعل وأحيانا حينما يحدث أذى لأحدهم جراء سخريته يتشفون فيه كأنما يكشفون عن جزء داخلهم مشوه تجاه الآخرين.

بالعودة إلى بدر خلف، اضطر من خلال صفحته أو يتحدث في عدة منشورات أنه متزوج ولديه ابنة بطرق مختلفة، كأن يعلن أنه يحضر الطعام بدلا من زوجته وفي انتظار أهلها وكيف أنها تتحمل جنونه هي وابنته، دفاعا عن اتهامات عدة وجهت له.

خلاصة القول أن بدر خلف لا يقدم محتوى مختلف عما يقدمه أي "انفلونسر" ولا يقدم نصائحا مختلفة عما يقدمها أي رجل يعمل بمهنة تخدم النساء كالخياط وطبيب النساء ومصفف الشعر والطباخ وحتى الأصدقاء الذين يهتمون بمتابعة خطوط الموضة والأزياء العالمية النسائية ويبدون نصائحهم للمقربات بشأن ذلك.

منصات التواصل الاجتماعي بعكس التلفاز فهي ساحة مفتوحة للجميع وليس فقط لمن يكون على أهوائنا إذا لم يعجبك أحدهم اضغط "بلوك" ولا داعي لنشر أمراض التنمر والسخرية والاتهامات بالانحراف تجاه الآخرين.

The difference between harassment, flirting & offering sex

It’s an argument before #Metoo and after it, this isn’t related to the campaign, but to defend the people who say that we are creating a fear of flirting and it might be mistaken for harassment and an innocent gesture might end a well-meaning man’s career.

So, What is the difference between harassment, flirting and offering sex? Unfortunately, many wise men, fall in that debate, maybe they are our friends, brothers or men we care about.

Women love to be flirted with, but on the other hand, we hate to be harassed.

Many men don’t know the difference and how to get his girl, maybe he is honest and respectable, but he isn’t respecting his girls’ borders and finally, he’s messing things up.

According to the writer, Lauren Holter and I totally agree with her “There are fundamental distinctions between flirting and harassment (in fact, one is illegal and one is not); and Women know the difference”.

To be clear: No one is trying to outlaw flirting. Flirting includes holding eye contact for a few extra seconds, asking how someone's weekend was, laughing at their jokes, and saving them the last office bagel before someone else nabs it.

Flirting is not locking women in your office; exposing your penis to someone who doesn't want to see it; buying a co-worker a sex toy; telling a junior employee they'll be promoted if they sleep with you, or threatening to ruin their career if they don't.

It is not unsolicited shoulder rubs, staring at someone from across the office all day, asking an employee about their sex life, or behaving in a way that would make them uncomfortable.

So, why people were confused whether the “On The Run” girl is being flirted or harassed or had an offer. It’s clear throw the girl’s talk that, the boy was chasing her for a long time, from his car and when she refused to respond to him, he showed up for her, then she captured him, flirting doesn’t mean to chase someone or causing him/her to be afraid, also offering sex is to someone either a sex worker or a girl you are in a relationship with.

Staring at a girls’ boobs or her whole body isn’t flirting, its harassment, starting a chat with a girl for the first time and asking her for personal photos isn’t flirting. Mentioning your sexual abilities to a woman who’s not a friend neither a lover without her acceptance isn’t flirting, lewd comments, inappropriate personal questions, and an invasion of personal space, they are all sexual misconduct obviously and clearly to be harassment.

The harasser is only searching for his fun, and most of the times make his movements in hidden ways, but the person who's flirting wants his girl also to be happy.

According to Lauren Holter through her blog, she said that flirting is used to subtly show your interest in someone and try to gauge if they feel the same. Sexual harassment, on the other hand, constitutes a total disregard for the other person's feelings. And assuming women don't know the difference between the two is just insulting.

Women have the experience to know what flirting is as they are trying their entire lives to hide these feelings through their captured eyes, sudden movements to grape attention or extra attention.

About offering sex, you have to be either in a tight relationship with her and you know that she will understand your offer and needs, or she’s a sex worker or a girl that likes you and offering you having sex together, but remember yes doesn’t mean yes at always and yes for everything, even if she’s your wife or girlfriend you have to ask her acceptance every time, you have to respect her times and her needs.

so it's clear now that when the Egyptian footballer Amr Warda showed his penis in a video, that he wasn't offering love, it was harassment and no means no.

Why should we support harassers?

Since 2014 I’m interested in women rights and that was by an accident I didn't mean to pay attention for this type of human rights specifically.

  

But something attached me to that matter, as I’m a woman also, living in a conservative community who's firmly attached to religions specially Islam, and is submitting to wrong definitions of topics related to women.

  

For many years as an ex-conservative I believed in their point of view that women shouldn't wear what they want or travel and work as they want, and men have the upper hand to control their lives as - they supposed- to be the most intelligent, smartest and the best to control everything.

Day by day I found that this is injustice matter, I read many sources in religion and how conservative communities think and I found that most of these thoughts have no base they are just put by men to control and eliminate women's passion and success.

The most popular problems over the last 10 years were harassment and sexual abuse. Many shocking and different studies said that 1 out of 3 women faced at least one type of sexual abuse from a husband, father or a brother or even strangers in streets.

After 2011 revolution thousands of girls started feeling freedom, they were ready to face the community with their choices for their lives, and honestly it wasn't that easy at all, many of them found massive rejection from their families and the community as well, people in streets and public transportation punished and violated girls who were wearing short dresses and unveiling their heads.

  

Thanks to efforts of the civil society violence has been eliminated but not as much that we desire, but day by day girls and women's awareness is increasing and they create their own supportive communities to recover themselves.

  

Though this awareness but many celebrities and society men still have that old fashion, non modern and conservative point of view that see women as only a body for sex, cooking and cleaning and still considering sexual abuse as a funny or ordinary thing with no respect of needs of women.

The only benefit Egypt gained from supporting the footballer Amr Warda who has been accused for harassment of an Egyptian model living in Dubai, is that people talked about Warda as the reason of the failure of the national team because of what he did, shaming and labeling him massively as a harasser was the purpose that many workers of civil society and women rights wanted.